We have decided to purchase a new computer to replace the rather antique machine that has done good service for nearly 15 years. We have also decided to re-organise our lives a little, by re-allocating various rooms in our humble house, converting a room currently used as a bedroom into an ‘office’, and swapping a couple of other rooms around. The first step in this re-organisation, is to install a phone connection in the bedroom which is to become the new office, so that the modem can be connected. A few years ago, I would have done this myself, but I am getting a bit long in the tooth to climb ladders into confined roof spaces or crawl under the house, poking wires through small holes in the wall cavities. So I bent my steps to the local Telstra shop to make arrangements for a Telstra technician to come and do the job. However, the Telstra Shop was unable, or perhaps just unwilling, to help with this, and simply gave me a number to call. This I did, and was immediately connected to a computer with a rather plummy, but polite, female voice. The conversation went like this:-
computer “Welcome to Telstra. So that I can connect you to the ‘right department’, please describe in a few words what service you require.”
me “I need to make arrangements for a technician to come and install an additional outlet in my house”
computer “I’m sorry. I did not understand. Please use fewer words”
me “I would like an additional outlet socket installed”
computer “I am sorry, I did not understand. Do you need a new phone?”
me “No, just an additional outlet for my existing phone”
This time the computer either understood, or gave up, and went on to the next question:-
computer “ So that I can be sure who I am talking with, please give me your date of birth. I have the year, so just the date and month, please”
me “27th August”
computer “I’m sorry. Was that 20th of July?”
me “No. It was 27th August”
computer “I’m sorry. Was that 20th July?”
me “NO!”
computer “Just hold the line while I connect you to an operator”
I secretly wondered why I could not have got to an operator rather than a computer in the first place.
operator “Welcome to Telstra. How we help you?” This was a very thin tinkly voice from afar, in barely comprehensible English.
me “I would like to make arrangements for someone to come and install an additional phone point in a room that does not have one”
operator “I am sorry, but I not understand”.
me “I need an additional outlet socket installed for my existing phone line”
operator “I am sorry. Do you need new phone?”.
me “No. Just an additional wall socket for my existing phone line”.
operator Ah. You need Australian technician?”
me “Yes please”
operator “Telstra technician very expensive. Better you do it you self”.
me “I am too old to climb up ladders”.
operator “Ah”. Can we help with anything else?”
me “No thank you. I just need a technician, please”.
operator “We cannot do that from here. You need to call technician in Australia”
me, very quietly, “Bollocks”
operator “Please stay on line and answer some user satisfaction survey questions. Thank you for calling Telstra”.
survey “Was your matter dealt with?”
me “No”
survey “on a scale of 0 to 10, how likely would you be to recommend Telstra to anyone?”
me “zero”
survey “Why did you give that score?”
me “because my matter was not resolved. I have spent nearly an hour talking with computers who do not understand English, and operators whose lack of English language skills make it very difficult for me to understand them, or them me.”
Later in the day I tried again. I phoned the number, and spoke with the plummy computer, who once again thought my birthday was 20th of July. In light of my previous experience, when she asked for a few words, I simply said “New Phone”. I was ‘transferred’ to an operator, once again in Manilla, who, once again, was almost impossible to understand. This time I simply hung up without bothering about trying to get any further. Then I thought I would try on-line. Putting “Telstra” into my favourite search engine, I eventually got to the “complaints” and “contact us” page. But before I could lodge my complaint, I was instructed to seek help from the 24/7 help chat -line. So I clicked on the appropriate button, and was told to stay on line, as I was nearly at the top of the queue. Eventually a sentence appeared:-
“Hi, My name is Ricky. How may I help you”
I typed my reply “I would like to make arrangements for someone to come and install an additional point in a room that does not have one”
Ricky typed back “do you mean you want a new phone?
I typed “NO I JUST WANT AN ADDITIONAL OUTLET FOR MY EXISTING PHONE LINE”. (This was the nearest I could get to the old strategy of ‘if you shout loud enough, they will understand’!)
Ricky asked for my phone number. I typed it in. He typed back that he would contact someone, and would get back to me. Stay on line he said. So I did. Eventually the phone rang, and it was Ricky. He said, in very good English with a marked Indian accent, that he had someone on the phone who could help, and I should hang on while he transferred me. Over the phone then came the very polite voice of a young lady with a very marked Indian accent, but perfectly understandable English. “How could she help?”, she asked. I went through the whole rigmarole again, and asked where she was speaking from. “Adelaide” came the reply. I said that at least that was not quite so far to come with a ladder and a few tools to install my socket. She then explained that she would not be doing it herself, but would get someone in Melbourne to come, and she asked me to hold the line, whilst she contacted someone who could help. (Sounds familiar!). So I held on, for about 10 minutes, listening to some dreadful noise which I assume passes for music somewhere in the universe. After this time, she advised that she had been in touch with the ‘right department’ (presumably the one that the original computer would have transferred me to, if only it could have understood!) and someone would come and do the job. When would I like it done? I replied that as soon as possible, please, but not on a Wednesday. Another 10 minutes of the dreadful noise. She then took details of my address etc, and advised that the technician would arrive between 8am and 12pm next Tuesday. Just to be sure of the actual time period, I asked could she please confirm whether she really meant 12 midnight, as that is what 12 pm is. No, she assured me it was 12 midday. I asked about paying. Another 10 minutes or so of the dreadful noise, before she came back with the advice that it would be added to my next bill. I thanked her, and that was the end of the call. In all, it had taken over four hours to make this simple arrangement.
The next task was to arrange for an electrician to come and install an additional power outlet. I looked up a number in the phone book, dialled it, and within 90 seconds had arranged for the electrician to come next Thursday to install the point. Why on earth could Telstra not be just as efficient?
Having got all that off my chest, there are a couple of points I would like to make. First, there has been a lot in the Australian news of late about the over-use of what are known as 457 visas. If an employer is unable to fill a position with a local resident, they can import workers on these 457 visas. A significant number of these ‘457’ workers come from the Philippines and from the sub-continent. I seems to me that if our educational system cannot train the workers that Australia needs, then we should send a delegation of expert educationalists to those developing nations to inspect their educational systems, and restructure ours to the same standard—-whatever that might be.
The second point I would make is this. At least the 457 visa system provides for the workers to reside in Australia. They (presumably) pay some Australian tax, and spend at least some of their wages here in Australia. Of much greater concern is the off-shoring of jobs. In this case, all of the money passes overseas, no Australian tax is paid, and not one cent of the wages is spent here. It may be a bit cheaper for Telstra and others to send this money overseas, but I fail to see how it is possibly in the national interest to do so. Personally, I would rather pay a bit more and get some good service, than pay less and get absolutely nothing for it. My experience today with Telstra only strengthens my opposition to the off-shoring of Australian jobs.
August 1, 2013
Slingsby's Miscellany 
Brian, A perfect description of the experieences we have all had with Telstra and other large Australian companies.As you can see we have survived Japan and had a great time but it was often physically demanding! Catch up with you soon. Cheers, Colin.